Miscarriages are very common however the taboo that surrounds them are still highly prevalent.
No one should have to go through a miscarriage but unfortunately they are more common than you think. Years ago women didn’t speak about having a miscarriage as they felt they were the only one going through it. Despite the 50,000 Irish women who give birth each year, on top of that, 14,000 women suffer a miscarriage each year.
In the past few years, more and more women have been speaking out about all things infertility and miscarriages, which until then had been a taboo subject. It takes great courage to speak out about miscarriages as it is such a personal experience and it can come with feelings of shame and not being good enough. However that is definitely not the case.
Recently Katherine Ryan spoke out about her miscarriage she had in February along with the shame and embarrassment she felt. On her podcast called Katherine Ryan: Telling Everybody Everything, she talked about what happened.
“So I was having a scan, and was then told I needed an internal scan, and I thought something’s weird, but by now the doctor had turned the screen to herself so I couldn’t see it and I just knew something was wrong. “The doctor said oh I’m sorry, we would expect to see a heartbeat but we don’t, and we’re going to have to have a very different conversation here, and then I thought ‘well that’s done’.
“I think I was really embarrassed, I don’t want anyone to see when I’m upset, so I was happy, smiley, she must have thought who is this psycho”
“I had a gig in Liverpool that evening, so I said ‘I’m sorry I have to go to work…You think you did something wrong but you keep it to yourself.”
Katherine continued to speak about how she had to try medical management 3 times over the course of 3 weeks. Her body just continued to carry the embryo and she said that was one of the hardest things. “Basically my mind knew I had lost the baby, my body just would not recognise it had lost this baby.”
“People recover and they don’t mention it again, they start to forget the hardest part, but right now I haven’t forgotten yet. It was so grim and I felt like a bad mom, I couldn’t get it out – ‘maybe this little soul is scared and doesn’t want to be alone’.”
Katherine was a guest on Laura Whitmore’s podcast Castaway, where they both spoke about their own miscarriage experiences. They both felt that is should be something girls are educated on. Laura spoke about her miscarriage back in 2018 when she was only 10 weeks and said it was a very “lonely experience”. Both felt this wave of embarrassment and shame.
Neither knew how they were meant to react afterwards but acknowledge that everyone reacts differently and that is ok. It is a traumatising experience and when women suffer in silence it can make it worse. Everyone has the right to share as little or as much as they want, but talking helps.
YouTubers have also been documenting their experience online, and we have to commend them massively for opening up. Christina Cimorelli spoke in detail about her miscarriage along with Rachel from Rachel and Justin, and Keren Nguyen from KKandBabyJ. These are just some of the women speaking out about their miscarriages.
It takes one women in a friend group to open up about their experience, for at least one other women to say “I had a miscarriage as well”. The taboo around miscarriages has to be removed. It is awful, but by sharing your experience you can help other women going through it, and that is why more and more women are opening up.
It is ok to be sad and to grieve about what you have lost. Just know that you don’t have to go through it alone. Please speak to someone.
For support options check out miscarriage.ie
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